An open letter from a suicide survivor
“You tryna die?”, said to me with a chuckle, right before we sparked up a j of something called “Ebola #7”. I proceeded to sleep like I have never slept before, for hours. Woke up refreshed and ready to face the day, though at the time the day consisted mostly of waiting. Sometimes that’s what my entire life feels like, just time spent waiting, in transit, or asleep. I have never wanted to leave this world. My first and only serious- and by serious I mean that I saw no other way to freedom but through death- attempt was just a desperate climb to a another place. I hoped this other place would have less pain, less cold. Less loneliness. I just wanted to be able to feel at home in my own home. To do things, eat things, sleep, have friends over. Go on adventures. Live a full life with my family. I don’t want to die, but living is exhausting. Everything we do as humans serves to either wake us up, take us to sleep, or help us keep going. It’s that simple for me. We all have our