Feel And Heal

     I went into job corps wanting to do the culinary arts program. I thought this was such an example of emotional growth for me! Years before I’d made a vow to myself to never again work in food service. I was tired of the stress and the easiest way I could “deal” with that stress was by just eating all the free food I could.   I’d made my way through the fast food chain with McDonalds, Subway, Dunkins, and a Jimmy Johns and I felt like that was all the experience I needed with that for several lifetimes.        So I felt a deep excitement within myself about doing the culinary program and having the word “chef” added to my name.   But when I got there and went through what they call “shadow days”—basically trial days in each program you want to try-I couldn’t believe how much I did NOT want to be a chef! It was so insane that I ended up picking my backup plan, and that I followed that into a nursing program. There was, however, a 5-6 month period between the CNA and the LPN

This is a journal entry I wrote on 11-28-2016.      The garden where I stay. The garden that is me. The grass and leaves are a dark, delicious green that is perpetually healthy and moist but never cold.      Looking at it from far up in the sky my garden resembles a sundial. There is one central circle of green, within which a slight golden haze breathes out. We’ll talk about that later.      All around the circle are smaller circles of green bush. As you get closer and closer down the details become clearer and you see that the circles around the bigger one are in fact rooms. Alcoves.      So that’s where I stay.      In each of the rooms a different Self of mine has made a home.      There is the Self that loves the arts. She is the one writing this today.      There is the Self that dances, and wants to learn how to box. The Self that for so long fed on an anger and became deathly sick.     There is a sensual Self that is really JUST beginning to